Some Really Bad Advice…

Some Really Bad Advice…

by | Mar 1, 2025 | Advice, Guest Authors

Heads up, This article is a bit of a rant…

A friend of mine went to the doctor recently with various health issues and was told that they should “avoid stressful situations”. This advice, in my opinion, is about as much use as a chocolate fireguard. Actually, it’s worse. It’s not only useless advice, I’m calling it out as harmful advice (*see disclaimer below).

What  are we meant to do when we see the bodies piling up in Gaza? What are we meant to do when we read of cases of child abuse or of homeless people dying in the cold?

What are we meant to do with financial pressures or simply the ups and downs of life, loved ones dying, being in relationships, having kids or not having kids?

[What are we meant to do when we realise we’ve sent an email to our ENTIRE mailing list with the subject heading “blank” and no content?] Yes, I did this yesterday

What are we meant to do when our kids are having a meltdown or we get rejected for a job or we’re in a caring role for a loved one who is mentally or physically unwell?

To be told to “avoid stressful situations” is like being told to separate yourself from humanity; drop your compassion or that somehow you are responsible for controlling the world around you to be happy clappy at all times.

“Avoid stressful situations” is as unrealistic and disempowering as it comes.

Life is stressful. If you have asthma the thought of your next breath might be stressful; if you’re 8 months pregnant, the next 6 weeks may feel a little stressful; if you’re trying to conceive, moments of lovemaking are going to be stressful. If you don’t want to have kids and you feel society pressure and opinion weighing on you, that will be stressful. If you’re faced with your parents’ death and you know there will be squabbles over inheritance then that will be stressful.

Stress ain’t the issue. It’s how we meet it that makes the difference. And in meeting the small stresses of life we can be equipped for the big ones.

My advice–if you find yourself in a stressful situation–be kind to yourself, stay compassionate to yourself and others. You can do this without falling into the drama of a story, you don’t need to feed the stress, but jeez, give yourself permission to be where you are. If you’d like to learn some tools to STAND STEADY in stress then reach out.

𝙀𝒎𝙢𝒂 𝒙

*first disclaimer to the above: I know it’s not intentionally harmful advice

**second disclaimer: If you are a lion tamer or a motorbike stunt person or a stockbroker or a soldier, then these are possible examples where you could make a lifestyle choice to avoid a stressful situation!

Emma Grant – Therapist & Mindfulness Practitioner

Emma Grant helps chronic worriers find calm, clarity, and connection through a unique blend of talking therapy, mindfulness, and breathwork. Having navigated her own journey of healing—from childhood trauma to self-discovery—she offers a compassionate, heart-led approach to therapy.

Qualified in counselling, mindfulness, breathwork, and stress management, Emma combines Gestalt, CBT, and person-centred approaches to help clients breathe more easily, stop overthinking, and build healthier relationships.

Visit Heartfeltchange.co.uk

 

How do you spell anxiety?

How do you spell anxiety?

by | Mar 1, 2025 | Guest Authors

A

Anticipatory anxiety can come when you start to think about a phobia (flying, spiders, heights) or can come as butterflies in your stomach before you speak at a meeting, make a presentation or before a difficult conversation

N

Nervous system responses: your sympathetic nervous system is stimulated when you are anxious—fight, flight, freeze responses. This leads to physical symptoms such as heart palpitations, whooshing in your ears, sweaty palms, tightness at the throat or a churning or heaviness in your stomach.

X

Fragile X syndrome, the most common inherited form of intellectual disability, is associated with anxiety, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, impulsivity, autism, mood instability, and aggression

I

I used to experience a jolt of anxiety every time I heard a siren. My body would jump back to the feeling of ambulances arriving when mum was psychotic. A well-meaning friend suggested that I could reframe this: “The siren was me being rescued.” But it didn’t feel like that at the time. The sirens’ meant Mum was in danger, I had failed her by not keeping her well by calling the doctor; sirens meant a peak was being reached followed by the sadness, darkness of depression. 
Anxiety can come up as a response to an immediate situation or as a trigger from something that happened in your past (when your response in the moment is way above what is happening.) Rather than reframing–and in effect telling myself I was wrong to feel how I was feeling–I chose to meet the feelings of vulnerability, sadness and lack of control. Over time this has allowed my body to come to terms and update my response to be relevant to the actual moment

E

Emotions associated with anxiety include fear, nervousness, worry, restlessness, panic, feeling overwhelmed, a sense of dread or unease.

T

Take a breath if you experience anxiety. Take some even breaths, count 4 in and 4 out, and again and again and again.

Y

You can use your breath to support you when you START to feel anxious; WHILE you are feeling anxious and AFTER you have had a period of anxiety. Regular, conscious breathing literally stimulates your vagus nerve which tells your body you are OK.

Anxiety isn’t something to be ignored, reframed, or pushed away—it’s something to be met with compassion and presence. Our minds and bodies are constantly communicating, and when we start to listen rather than resist, we create space for healing. Through mindfulness and breathwork, we can gently shift our nervous system, allowing ourselves to move from fear and overwhelm to calm and clarity.

If anxiety feels like a constant weight, know that you are not alone, and you are not broken—your body is simply seeking safety. With regular mindfulness practice, small but powerful shifts can happen.

Emma Grant – Therapist & Mindfulness Practitioner

Emma Grant helps chronic worriers find calm, clarity, and connection through a unique blend of talking therapy, mindfulness, and breathwork. Having navigated her own journey of healing—from childhood trauma to self-discovery—she offers a compassionate, heart-led approach to therapy.

Qualified in counselling, mindfulness, breathwork, and stress management, Emma combines Gestalt, CBT, and person-centred approaches to help clients breathe more easily, stop overthinking, and build healthier relationships.

Visit Heartfeltchange.co.uk